In "How to Be an Other Woman" from Self-Help, we saw (are took the role of) a woman enter a relationship with a married man, and learned how to deal with being in this situation. In this story, the narrator directs the you to go on a number of dates, to be discreet and careful, to refrain from asking too many questions about his wife, and to try to adopt the qualities that the man likes in his wife. The character that is being directed in this story is a young, healthy, somewhat nerdy woman who works in a disappointing job. She seems unsatisfied with her status before the relationship, and once the affair begins, she feels increasingly uncomfortable with her position.
"How" features another young, healthy (and maybe a bit nerdy too) young woman who finds herself stuck in a relationship that is increasingly aggravating to her, mostly because she's grown bored of her partner, but also because it never becomes easy to leave him. Here, instead of the male character being the "cheater" as it was in "How to Be an Other Woman", it's the female character who is sleeping with other partners. Although the two characters in "How" aren't married (or don't appear to be), they're living together, the woman has met the man's family, and it's hinted that the question of marriage has been on the table.
Throughout "How", we see the male partner (who I'll call "Savior" since the narrator says that's what his name means) doing his best to save the relationship, even though he knows it's falling apart. He tries to go on walks with her, tries to read the books that she likes, and does his best to be as accessible as possible even when she continues to send signals that she's no longer interested. After reading this story, I began to wonder what Moore's advice would be to this man if she were to write a story like "How to Be an Other Man". The perspectives are a bit different between the two stories, since one is actively involved in an affair and another is the victim of one, however both of the main characters featured in these stories are involved in relationships where their partner is seeing more than one person.
Since both "How to Be an Other Woman" and "How" are list-like in style, I thought I'd make a list of some of the things Lorrie Moore might tell Savior to do in his relationship.
How to be an other man:
- Ask her to move in for convenience sake, but emphasize how much you want to live with her.
- Make love to her affectionately, so when she sees another man she remembers you.
- Introduce her to your family, and call her your girl, not by her name.
- When she refuses to kiss you, back away and stare, like you're about to cry.
- When she stops having sex with you, don't push it: take care of your needs in the bathroom.
- Notice her books, how she reads all the time.
- Pay attention to those new words she keeps using; write them down in a notebook when you hear them.
- Keep a pocket-dictionary on you while she's in the house.
- Renew your library membership and get a new card.
- Don't be offended when she doesn't tell you what superfluous means.
- Look it up and tease her with it before she goes to bed.
- Tell her that you love her pink and yellow sandals, that you love that teal and grey raincoat she bought.
- Tell her that the chicken really did come before the egg. And isn't that the truth behind everything?
- Tell her that you love her, quietly, so that she has to come closer to hear.
- Say it again, louder this time, when she does not answer.
- Keep your eyes on the pot when she walks out of the door.
- Put the pee in a bottle the middle of the refrigerator see she sees it when she goes to the kitchen for a late night snack.
- Put the pee in a glass next to her toothbrush.
- Put the pee in the vase that your mother bought for her flowers.
- Pee in the shower, and pee a little into her shampoo bottle.
- Let her rub your back.
- Let her make love to.
- Let her caress your face.
- Don't ask what she's reading, or what that word means, or where she bought that new dress.
- Ask her who she's been seeing.
- Smile when she says his name. Laugh if you need to.
- Let her leave, don't hold her back.
- Tell her you love her.
- Buy some new rollerskates, and figure out where she likes to sit at the park.
- Memorize the spot.
- Stroll by her every once in a while, but don't slow down when you see her.
- Give her a nod, and keep on your way.
- Send her a letter with the test results, and tell her there will be more tests.
- Keep sending her the tests until she finds another man.
"How" features another young, healthy (and maybe a bit nerdy too) young woman who finds herself stuck in a relationship that is increasingly aggravating to her, mostly because she's grown bored of her partner, but also because it never becomes easy to leave him. Here, instead of the male character being the "cheater" as it was in "How to Be an Other Woman", it's the female character who is sleeping with other partners. Although the two characters in "How" aren't married (or don't appear to be), they're living together, the woman has met the man's family, and it's hinted that the question of marriage has been on the table.
Throughout "How", we see the male partner (who I'll call "Savior" since the narrator says that's what his name means) doing his best to save the relationship, even though he knows it's falling apart. He tries to go on walks with her, tries to read the books that she likes, and does his best to be as accessible as possible even when she continues to send signals that she's no longer interested. After reading this story, I began to wonder what Moore's advice would be to this man if she were to write a story like "How to Be an Other Man". The perspectives are a bit different between the two stories, since one is actively involved in an affair and another is the victim of one, however both of the main characters featured in these stories are involved in relationships where their partner is seeing more than one person.
Since both "How to Be an Other Woman" and "How" are list-like in style, I thought I'd make a list of some of the things Lorrie Moore might tell Savior to do in his relationship.
How to be an other man:
- Ask her to move in for convenience sake, but emphasize how much you want to live with her.
- Make love to her affectionately, so when she sees another man she remembers you.
- Introduce her to your family, and call her your girl, not by her name.
- When she refuses to kiss you, back away and stare, like you're about to cry.
- When she stops having sex with you, don't push it: take care of your needs in the bathroom.
- Notice her books, how she reads all the time.
- Pay attention to those new words she keeps using; write them down in a notebook when you hear them.
- Keep a pocket-dictionary on you while she's in the house.
- Renew your library membership and get a new card.
- Don't be offended when she doesn't tell you what superfluous means.
- Look it up and tease her with it before she goes to bed.
- Tell her that you love her pink and yellow sandals, that you love that teal and grey raincoat she bought.
- Tell her that the chicken really did come before the egg. And isn't that the truth behind everything?
- Tell her that you love her, quietly, so that she has to come closer to hear.
- Say it again, louder this time, when she does not answer.
- Keep your eyes on the pot when she walks out of the door.
- Put the pee in a bottle the middle of the refrigerator see she sees it when she goes to the kitchen for a late night snack.
- Put the pee in a glass next to her toothbrush.
- Put the pee in the vase that your mother bought for her flowers.
- Pee in the shower, and pee a little into her shampoo bottle.
- Let her rub your back.
- Let her make love to.
- Let her caress your face.
- Don't ask what she's reading, or what that word means, or where she bought that new dress.
- Ask her who she's been seeing.
- Smile when she says his name. Laugh if you need to.
- Let her leave, don't hold her back.
- Tell her you love her.
- Buy some new rollerskates, and figure out where she likes to sit at the park.
- Memorize the spot.
- Stroll by her every once in a while, but don't slow down when you see her.
- Give her a nod, and keep on your way.
- Send her a letter with the test results, and tell her there will be more tests.
- Keep sending her the tests until she finds another man.
I really enjoyed this post and the list of "How to be an Other Man." All the protagonists of Moore's short stories are women so getting this kind of "how-to" for a man is an interesting take on her usual form. I liked the ways you tied in what happened in the story into your list. I couldn't help but laugh at the series of pee related to-do things. I think this would be a really good idea for the creative project (if you're not doing this already)!
ReplyDeleteLOL @ the list. I really liked this post bc I was also thinking about how a Moore story would pan out from the perspective of a guy, and I think you really grasped it with the list. I actually did my creative project writing "How to Be An Other Woman" from the perspective of that guy – but obviously it turns out differently than yours because the guys in "How" and "How to Be An Other Woman" are completely different. Good post!
ReplyDeleteI really like this post, especially the creative way you ended it. I think it's really interesting to see how Moore frames these stories in similar but opposite ways. Along the same line, I think I felt more sympathy for all of the characters because I knew what it was like from another perspective. Good post!
ReplyDeleteVery creative! I definitely took the consistency of the slightly nerdy, humorous woman as a sign that Moore was writing herself into the text. I think this collection really does need to come as a whole, because Moore explicates different sides of the same situation in different short stories (with various different othermen, coldwomen, etc.)
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